There’s No Right Way to Grieve: Letting Go of the ‘Shoulds’ After a Loss

Grief doesn’t follow a script. It doesn’t move in tidy stages or end on a schedule. And yet, so many people feel pressure to grieve “the right way,” to be strong, to stay busy, to cry more, to cry less, to get back to normal as fast as possible.

Here’s the truth: there is no one right way to grieve. And if you’re feeling stuck, numb, angry, or confused, you’re not broken. You’re grieving.

Grief Is More Than Just Sadness

While sadness is part of grief, many people also experience:

• Guilt (“Why didn’t I do more?”)

• Numbness or shock (“It doesn’t feel real”)

• Anger or irritability (“Why did this happen?”)

• Relief (especially after long illnesses or strained relationships)

• Disbelief or avoidance

• Physical symptoms like exhaustion, headaches, or changes in sleep/appetite

All of these are valid. All of them are human.

The “Shoulds” That Make Grief Harder

Grief becomes more painful when it’s buried under shame, silence, or expectation. You might hear or tell yourself:

• “I should be over this by now”

• “At least they’re not suffering”

• “Other people have it worse”

• “Crying won’t bring them back”

• “I should be stronger for my kids/family/work”

But grief isn’t something to fix or rush through—it’s something to be witnessed, honored, and moved through at your own pace.

How Therapy Can Support the Grieving Process

Therapy doesn’t take the pain away, but it does give you space to feel it safely. In grief therapy, you can:

• Name what you’ve lost, not just the person, but the routines, roles, or imagined futures

• Explore complicated or “taboo” grief responses

• Make space for anger, confusion, and meaning-making

• Practice self-compassion when you feel numb or overwhelmed

• Learn how to move forward without feeling like you’re letting go

Grief doesn’t shrink, it changes. Therapy helps you grow around it.

Work With Jennifer Anyaugo, RMHCI

Jennifer works with teens, adults, and parents navigating grief in all its forms; death, divorce, estrangement, miscarriage, and more. She creates a gentle, supportive space where you don’t have to explain your tears or silence. Just show up as you are.

Jennifer offers virtual therapy across Florida for individuals and families navigating loss.

Grief Doesn’t Mean You’re Failing. It Means You’re Loving, Still.

There’s no right way to grieve, but you don’t have to do it alone.

Book a consultation with Jennifer today.